Thursday, February 3, 2011

The Countdown Begins

First off: a HUGE, GIGANTIC, ENORMOUS Thank You to all of you who have joined in supporting me financially and in prayer!! God has been doing some amazing things already and I'm so excited to see those continue. I am so blessed to get to walk and fight alongside such an incredible community!

There are 25 days until I leave for New York; 27 days until I am on my way to Uganda.

I am a strange mix of elation and pure terror. People keep asking me how I feel about it, or if I’m excited and I really don’t know how to respond. I’m both nervous and excited, thrilled and terrified and quite honestly stressed out.

I feel like I should be using this incredible gift of rest time in between graduation and leaving to be preparing, but how do you prepare for an entirely new world. I walk into this experience having read about the Ugandan culture, the climate, travel dangers, what to wear, what to expect; and yet on some level that is a great deal of knowledge one can only attain through the experience.  It is an entirely different thing to feel the dirt beneath my feet then to read about what dirt is like.

So I am both prepared and yet unprepared all the same. This some times overwhelms me because I like to be in control and have all the answers. I like my comfort and security and there is hardly a thing about this that says either of those words. I’m going to be uncomfortable, I’m going to be a mess and I’m starting to feel like that is where I am supposed to be.

Messy, broken, deeply human.

I hate to admit that I lacked faith, but when I thought about having to raise funds I was nervous.  Even as money started coming in, I was still fearful. God has been so incredibly faithful through this entire experience and has provided, through many of you, in such awe inspiring ways.

So now, my nerves that are coursing through my vains, a mix of fear, adventure, and pure adrenaline, find their solace in a really BIG God who is holding me together and letting me break all at the same time.  A God who provides even when I doubt, a God who shows up for me every single day when I don’t always show up for him, A God who loves me in spite of all of my humanness. That is the God who is on my side.  That is the God who is going before me and going with me.

A God who is perfect love in every way.

So for those of you who want to know if I am nervous? excited? The answer is "yes". But I am mostly desperately needy and hungry and coming to the realization (once again) that I am very very small, but it is when I reach the end of Lo, the end me, that God meets me and exceeds all of my hopes and all my dreams once again.

Thank you all for the prayers, they are appreciated and much needed-please continue!! 

Love you all.

What I'm reading: "The Jesus I Never Knew" by Phillip Yancey & "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller

What I'm listening to: "Wedding Dress" by Derek Webb & "Only After You" by Sixteen Cities

1 comment:

  1. this is beautiful! i can relate 100% with your never-ending amazement at how God seems to have everything worked out..even before you knew you needed it. it has been my case ever since i moved to the US. quite a different experience than what you are about to embark (or have embarked already) but the same AMAZING God. all my tico love to you,